His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
