The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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