Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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