its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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