I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
