hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
