Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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