she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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