Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
