its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
