I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
