From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
