Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
