i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
