my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
