I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
