is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
