I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Holy shit dude........stairs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
