Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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