1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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