You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How does one acquire holy water?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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