she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
