It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
