If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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