Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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