the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
