i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
