you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
