i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
