the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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