I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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