and you said cock pushups were impossible
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
