I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
