Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
