dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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