billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
