a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize