I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
