6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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