Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
