Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
