It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
