At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Panties = found
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