it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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