at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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