if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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