I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize