I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
