If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my being single is dangerous.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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