he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize