I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize