Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
