i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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