id be glad to
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
