I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
