First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
