how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
