I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
