I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
