He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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