Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
