Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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