On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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