she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
