I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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