Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
