I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
