Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
