I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
