So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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