I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
