If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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