we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
