my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
