she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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