it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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