bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't make any sense
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