So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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