Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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