There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
