I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
