what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize