its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize