so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
