Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
