I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
