I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
