I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
