And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
