She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
