I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
