so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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