The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
