when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
