Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize