So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
