My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
